Before

Before I started this blog, I used to have another blog (and a few others before). Perhaps out of nostalgia and with some time on hand, I revisited one that I wrote frequently between 2006 and 2009. What a transition I went through. I started work so bright-eyed and hopeful and eager. Then as I progressed, I became more and more jaded, confused and extremely self-centered. As I read on, I cringe at how naive I appeared, how prideful I was and how I seem to think the world should revolve around me and that I deserve certain things...

I was also a mess when it came to relationships and I had to smile when I saw what I wrote in 2008:


MARCH 01, 2008

Juno

In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

~ Juno

How's that possible, really?

I now know it is possible. :)

Right place, right time

Things have been moving rather quickly for the past 1 year or so. If I stop and think about it, it's really about being at the right place, at the right time.

Take for example, if I hadn't been working for close to 6 years and was feeling a little tired and worn out (not mentioning jaded - or at least some of my bosses feel so), I would not truly appreciate these days of taking things slower, smelling the flowers (literally and figuratively!), pouring over books (especially cookbooks) and experimenting in the kitchen. 

If I hadn't taken on my previous HR portfolio and "CCAs", I wouldn't have been able to help the NGO I'm currently volunteering with to beef up its HR systems. In fact, if I hadn't picked up a handmade candle from a shop here, I wouldn't have learned about this NGO; and this HR project would never have materialised! 

If I hadn't been with this team for a while and had earned enough trust and goodwill, I wouldn't have been able to work out the flexible working arrangement that I'm currently enjoying. 

I guess, all I'm trying to say is, things feel very right. For now. 

:) 

What's Cooking?

Okay, it might be too preliminary to tell, given that I've only cooked 2-3 meals so far - but I actually think I enjoy cooking.

I enjoy flipping through cookbooks and food magazines, especially the BBC GoodFood (India) magazines (which, btw, cost just Rs100 which is just...SGD2.50. !!!) and sieving what is attainable (to an amateur cook like me), what would be most economical and what appears to be more palatable.  I would then spend the day planning for the meal - do I need to buy groceries? Where do I buy them? How long do I need to prepare the ingredients? Which step should I do first and concurrently etc etc etc.

I enjoy learning about food - how to cook pasta al dente; how to cook basmati; how to steam chicken breast; how to store herbs; what is the pith and zest of a lemon. To communicate with the vendors at the market, I even went to google the hindi names of basil and dill.

One of the drivers saw my little post-it with the words "Dill --> Savaa" and exclaimed, "Huh! "Savaa" is the English word for "Dill"!"

Wide-eyed, I explained, "No no. Savaa is the Hindi word... At least that's what the Internet tells me."

"Oh oh. In India, we all call it "Dill."

Okay. Now I know.

I enjoy having PJ coming home and saying, "Ummm. Smells great!" Even though he assures me I'm a good cook, I'm still lacking in self confidence. But at least it looks decent on camera. :D

Having spent just 2 days in the kitchen, I can fully understand why housewives who cook can be SO occupied and tired out. Maybe it's because I'm just starting out and learning about a lot of things, but cooking seriously takes up a lot of time and energy. Let's see how long I can keep this up before I get tired and want to spend my time doing other stuff. :D

SQ424

I'll be leaving for Mumbai tonight at 2000hrs.


Truth be told - I'm neither terribly excited nor emotional now. Perhaps it's because the day has been very mundane so far - I had a run at the reservoir with Flo in the morning; I took a nap; I'm making plans to run some errands; I'm using my computer now until I have to pack it in my luggage. Yet, everything will be different moving forward. I may no longer have the chance to run with Flo at the reservoir anymore if she's not in SG by the time we return from Mumbai; I may no longer return to my mum's place for a nap in the middle of the morning; I can't just "run to the mall" to run some errands in the next 1 year plus (going to the mall will be a big thing and a long car ride away in Mumbai); and my computer may just decide to die on me in transit in my pink luggage. :|


I told Flo this morning that this feels like "Part II" of growing up, where we are heading towards different directions (literally) in life and we don't know what the future holds for us. We don't want the change, yet change is coming for each and every one of us, whether we want or like it or not.


But change can be good, no? Like how I see this change will help me to fulfill some of the things I had once said I wish to accomplish before I turn 30 (sidetrack: turning 30 had seemed SO FAR AWAY when I wrote that list in 2009) such as quit my job (not really, but kinda true) and commit myself to community service. Most importantly, I think the time in Mumbai with PJ will be good for us and help shape our identity as a couple. It's a great unknown out there, but I'll definitely try my best to embrace this change.

Reality Check

This was a list I made in 2009 about things I want to do before I turn 30 and my reality check in red: 

Before I Turn 30

I want to:


1) Get a freaking driving license! -_- Think I need to push this to "Before I Turn 40"... 


2) Go to Santoriniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii  There's still a chance!   

3) Camp under the stars in the Egypt desert (and see the pyramids lah) There's still a chance!   


4) Grow longer fingers so that I can play the guitar with style (haha one can only dream)NOT IN THIS LIFETIME

5) Finally commit myself to a charity or community service I can finally do this in Mumbai 

6) Find a rich husband, quit my job and study full-time (ha ha ha) Kinda PARTIALLY fulfilled?? Hehehe. 

End of House Hunting!

Today marks the end of my long leave (13 days!) from work to look for our apartment in Mumbai. The leave is well spent, as we have found *cross fingers* an ideal flat in Bandra (finalising the agreement now). And Bandra, my dears, is what our housing agent calls the "Queen of the suburbs", where even the Bollywood stars, like Shahrukh Khan (go google!), choose to stay. "Simple logic", she says. Because Bandra is so fine.

And I think so too! :)

Just the other day, our auto-wala (an India suffix indicating a person involved in some kind of activity e.g., dhobi-wala, chai-wala) took us through a narrow little dirt path through a clearly Catholic community - Chapel Road, en route to Salt Water Cafe (an ang moh jiak place). As the auto rickshaw sped past the rows of old and worn-out apartments, PJ and I were completely intrigued because there were graffiti (I prefer to call them street art) all over Chapel Road. After our late lunch, we tracked our steps back to Chapel Road to examine the street art more closely.

Bandra is where we'll be staying!

I found out later that the street art along Chapel Road was part of the Wall Project, where a group of young artists came together to add some colour to Mumbai's walls.

My favourite one by graffiti artist from France, Jilien 'Seth' Malland

Pretty awesome. :)

I enjoy...

... a salad lunch by the river with an old friend, armed with good coffee, easy conversations (or just the sound of leaves cruching, people walking by and an otherwise comfortable silence) and making bitchy remarks of random passersby. Tremendously.
Such lunches calm me and soothe my tired (working) soul. But such lunches always leave me wistful and wishing that I don't have to return to the daily grind.

Of dark clouds, storms, sunshine and rainbow - 2011 in summary

If I could use just one picture to sum up 2011:

Dark clouds and storms threatened; but the sun always came back and sometimes I get a rainbow, too.

Of dark clouds and storms

2011 was a pretty rough year for some of my friends. Some have moved on, some are still stuck in limbo. As unfortunate as events had been, the blessing, I find, is that going through going hard times together and being there for each other, (even if it's just via Whatsapp) really helps to bond and strengthen the friendships. At this stage of my life, getting to know more people, acquiring new friends and acquaintances is not my cup of tea. I just want to have a group of really close friends whom I can trust with my deepest, darkest secrets (assuming I have any) and who, in turn, trust me and come to me for a listening ear. As such, even though 2011 was a really packed year with wedding preparation, house hunting and work, I tried my best to be available for the dearest people in my life. But perhaps that was not enough. At my wedding reception, I realised some people in our lives had been neglected. So, for 2012, I shall endeavour to reconnect with these friends in whatever little time we have in Singapore.

On the work front, 2011 could possibly be one of the most eventful year at work. A huge HR project landed on my lap; the 50th anniversary saw endless meetings and preparation work; and endless reviews kept me busy the whole year. Sometimes I felt that the year was never going to come to an end. And if it did, I would be screwed because I was never going to get everything done - not with the never-ending wedding preparations and one thousand and one rites we needed to go through.

But the sun came up...

Friends helped. Colleagues supported. Family members contributed. PJ was there through it all. And in the end, everything worked out just fine.

And then the rainbow

2011 turned out to be one of the best years at work and on the personal front. I finally feel quite settled and comfortable with my portfolio; I know the bosses trust me and are willing to support the next phase of my life and I've never worked with a better bunch of colleagues.

Despite all my earlier angst of never finding the right man and questioning why the hell people get married for, I got married in 2011 - to a man I won in a date auction. :) We had a helluva wedding reception with our closest friends and colleagues, after which we secretly (and shamelessly) patted ourselves on our backs for pulling off one of the best weddings WE had been to. Haha. Friends who met PJ for the first time told me that he seemed like my kind of guy. But what they don't know is that PJ is more than my kind of guy. He's the guy for me. Thank you for marrying me and for loving me. :)

Ajahn Brahm said we need to let go of the shitty past, hold on to the good memories and embrace the future. So goodbye to all the shit of 2011 (crappy men in my girlfriends' lives, unreasonable & rude people and crowded trains!) and WELCOME 2012! Make it an even better year, okay?

Year in Review

As my company holds its Year In Review tomorrow, it's also timely to have my own YIR - something which I'd usually done on 31 Dec in past years but missed out in 2010.

2010 was a year of changes. I ended a relationship (if I may call it that) of 2 years at the start of the year; it was the first full work year of my challenging portfolio and I got pulled into all sorts of "extra-curricular activities"; I "won" PJ in a date auction and that spelt the beginning of an amazing ride that was to come; I experienced my first significant loss when Ricky's life came to a completion; I witnessed some of my closet friends go through changes in their own lives; I finally got down to learning driving; and I got engaged on the last day of 2010. :)

2010 was a mental and emotional roller-coaster ride. But through it all, I have the strong support of PJ and my friends. For that, I'm really glad and appreciative.

And I'm relieved the year is over so that I can officially close this chapter in my life and embrace the new one with open arms. :)

My mum and brother were in the middle of an argument when I reached home. He was essentially accusing her of mistreating Ricky, who apparently had a bad fall this morning, hadn't been able to walk properly and was refusing food. My mum, on the other hand, got all worked up and accused us of caring for the dog more than we did for her. Completely upset with the state of affairs and anxious over Ricky, I felt so lost for a moment and just wanted to avoid all three of them. In the heat of the moment, my mum was ignoring me, too. When I'd finally gathered my composure, I worked with my brother to attend to Ricky and put him to bed. He was calm by the time we were done with Ricky.

'Show more care for your mum,' PJ told me as I cried into the phone. It's hard, I told him, because it's not in our family to show care and concern. But as it turns out, it was not that hard. After I took my dinner, I approached my mum who was sitting by the fridge. 'Finish the peaches! It's taking up space in the fridge,' she snapped at me. Normally, I would have walked away without a word. But tonight, I meekly said okay and took the peaches. Then, I pretended to read the papers in front of her while she was watching the news. And that's when she started talking and telling me what exactly happened today; how much pain she had to go through to take care of Ricky; how angry she was with the words flung carelessly at her; how we should just put Ricky to sleep etc etc. I didn't speak, for fear of saying the wrong things even though I was pretty upset with what I was hearing. But once she got everything out of her system, we started discussing the rather ridiculous but curious tale of the oracular octopus of Oberhausen. And that's when I knew she was all right already.

She had just visited the doctor for her regular check-up today and I had only just found out. From her point of view, I can see why she thinks we care more about Ricky than her. We came home, got all concerned about Ricky and did not once ask about her day. So I made a deliberate effort of asking about her check-up and getting her to talk to me about it. I guessed that helped to soothe her further...

Sometimes we take it for granted that our parents will always be the one caring for and taking care of us. Sometimes we forget that they are just like us - they get tired, grumpy, emotional and seek care and affection; and need a listening ear, too. Sometimes we just need to have a role reversal and take care of them, too.