Of dark clouds, storms, sunshine and rainbow - 2011 in summary

If I could use just one picture to sum up 2011:

Dark clouds and storms threatened; but the sun always came back and sometimes I get a rainbow, too.

Of dark clouds and storms

2011 was a pretty rough year for some of my friends. Some have moved on, some are still stuck in limbo. As unfortunate as events had been, the blessing, I find, is that going through going hard times together and being there for each other, (even if it's just via Whatsapp) really helps to bond and strengthen the friendships. At this stage of my life, getting to know more people, acquiring new friends and acquaintances is not my cup of tea. I just want to have a group of really close friends whom I can trust with my deepest, darkest secrets (assuming I have any) and who, in turn, trust me and come to me for a listening ear. As such, even though 2011 was a really packed year with wedding preparation, house hunting and work, I tried my best to be available for the dearest people in my life. But perhaps that was not enough. At my wedding reception, I realised some people in our lives had been neglected. So, for 2012, I shall endeavour to reconnect with these friends in whatever little time we have in Singapore.

On the work front, 2011 could possibly be one of the most eventful year at work. A huge HR project landed on my lap; the 50th anniversary saw endless meetings and preparation work; and endless reviews kept me busy the whole year. Sometimes I felt that the year was never going to come to an end. And if it did, I would be screwed because I was never going to get everything done - not with the never-ending wedding preparations and one thousand and one rites we needed to go through.

But the sun came up...

Friends helped. Colleagues supported. Family members contributed. PJ was there through it all. And in the end, everything worked out just fine.

And then the rainbow

2011 turned out to be one of the best years at work and on the personal front. I finally feel quite settled and comfortable with my portfolio; I know the bosses trust me and are willing to support the next phase of my life and I've never worked with a better bunch of colleagues.

Despite all my earlier angst of never finding the right man and questioning why the hell people get married for, I got married in 2011 - to a man I won in a date auction. :) We had a helluva wedding reception with our closest friends and colleagues, after which we secretly (and shamelessly) patted ourselves on our backs for pulling off one of the best weddings WE had been to. Haha. Friends who met PJ for the first time told me that he seemed like my kind of guy. But what they don't know is that PJ is more than my kind of guy. He's the guy for me. Thank you for marrying me and for loving me. :)

Ajahn Brahm said we need to let go of the shitty past, hold on to the good memories and embrace the future. So goodbye to all the shit of 2011 (crappy men in my girlfriends' lives, unreasonable & rude people and crowded trains!) and WELCOME 2012! Make it an even better year, okay?

Year in Review

As my company holds its Year In Review tomorrow, it's also timely to have my own YIR - something which I'd usually done on 31 Dec in past years but missed out in 2010.

2010 was a year of changes. I ended a relationship (if I may call it that) of 2 years at the start of the year; it was the first full work year of my challenging portfolio and I got pulled into all sorts of "extra-curricular activities"; I "won" PJ in a date auction and that spelt the beginning of an amazing ride that was to come; I experienced my first significant loss when Ricky's life came to a completion; I witnessed some of my closet friends go through changes in their own lives; I finally got down to learning driving; and I got engaged on the last day of 2010. :)

2010 was a mental and emotional roller-coaster ride. But through it all, I have the strong support of PJ and my friends. For that, I'm really glad and appreciative.

And I'm relieved the year is over so that I can officially close this chapter in my life and embrace the new one with open arms. :)

My mum and brother were in the middle of an argument when I reached home. He was essentially accusing her of mistreating Ricky, who apparently had a bad fall this morning, hadn't been able to walk properly and was refusing food. My mum, on the other hand, got all worked up and accused us of caring for the dog more than we did for her. Completely upset with the state of affairs and anxious over Ricky, I felt so lost for a moment and just wanted to avoid all three of them. In the heat of the moment, my mum was ignoring me, too. When I'd finally gathered my composure, I worked with my brother to attend to Ricky and put him to bed. He was calm by the time we were done with Ricky.

'Show more care for your mum,' PJ told me as I cried into the phone. It's hard, I told him, because it's not in our family to show care and concern. But as it turns out, it was not that hard. After I took my dinner, I approached my mum who was sitting by the fridge. 'Finish the peaches! It's taking up space in the fridge,' she snapped at me. Normally, I would have walked away without a word. But tonight, I meekly said okay and took the peaches. Then, I pretended to read the papers in front of her while she was watching the news. And that's when she started talking and telling me what exactly happened today; how much pain she had to go through to take care of Ricky; how angry she was with the words flung carelessly at her; how we should just put Ricky to sleep etc etc. I didn't speak, for fear of saying the wrong things even though I was pretty upset with what I was hearing. But once she got everything out of her system, we started discussing the rather ridiculous but curious tale of the oracular octopus of Oberhausen. And that's when I knew she was all right already.

She had just visited the doctor for her regular check-up today and I had only just found out. From her point of view, I can see why she thinks we care more about Ricky than her. We came home, got all concerned about Ricky and did not once ask about her day. So I made a deliberate effort of asking about her check-up and getting her to talk to me about it. I guessed that helped to soothe her further...

Sometimes we take it for granted that our parents will always be the one caring for and taking care of us. Sometimes we forget that they are just like us - they get tired, grumpy, emotional and seek care and affection; and need a listening ear, too. Sometimes we just need to have a role reversal and take care of them, too.

Taking Flight

I don't want to fight anymore.

And I think I can finally walk away with my head held high.

Take flight.

Once you want it to begin,

No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare

What A Difference A Day Makes...

... and the difference is you.

:)

A Winter's Tale

I will always remember.

Because that represented all that we could have been; all that we actually were; and all that we couldn't possibly have been.

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story

Happy Birthday to ME! :)

After almost an entire week of continuous feasting (steamboat, ma maison, kyoto, brotzeit, mondo mio), it culminated at Absinthe with king prawns with chorizo and pine nuts, pork belly, rabbit leg, seabass with warm soba, white wine, coffee and this:

No pictures so I drew this from memory

I am BELLY happy and very happy.

:)

Lilac is the colour of bliss

Not my colour.

Not my style.

But because my mummy bought this as my birthday present, I will wear it.

:)

2 years on

What a ride it has been.

And through it all, I am glad to have 2 friends who are actually supportive of it, regardless how precarious or doomed the situation is.

Thank you c & y for your irrational faith and support.

In the year ahead, I would like to...

1) Practice empathic listening. Avoid autobiographical responses. Diagnose before I prescribe.

This is from one of the priorities I set after my 7-habits course. How many times have I appeared to be listening, but really I have drifted off; or am listening in order to respond or give my own advice; or judge base on my own experiences or motives? Empathic listening is perhaps one of the hardest to achieve.

2) Write more

3) Take good pictures.

For that, I will be signing up for basic digital photography lessons this year. Know my equipment before I can express through my lenses.

4) Read more

5) Love more

Cheers to a brand new year. May our lives be filled with laughter and love. :)