Monday, July 12, 2010

My mum and brother were in the middle of an argument when I reached home. He was essentially accusing her of mistreating Ricky, who apparently had a bad fall this morning, hadn't been able to walk properly and was refusing food. My mum, on the other hand, got all worked up and accused us of caring for the dog more than we did for her. Completely upset with the state of affairs and anxious over Ricky, I felt so lost for a moment and just wanted to avoid all three of them. In the heat of the moment, my mum was ignoring me, too. When I'd finally gathered my composure, I worked with my brother to attend to Ricky and put him to bed. He was calm by the time we were done with Ricky.

'Show more care for your mum,' PJ told me as I cried into the phone. It's hard, I told him, because it's not in our family to show care and concern. But as it turns out, it was not that hard. After I took my dinner, I approached my mum who was sitting by the fridge. 'Finish the peaches! It's taking up space in the fridge,' she snapped at me. Normally, I would have walked away without a word. But tonight, I meekly said okay and took the peaches. Then, I pretended to read the papers in front of her while she was watching the news. And that's when she started talking and telling me what exactly happened today; how much pain she had to go through to take care of Ricky; how angry she was with the words flung carelessly at her; how we should just put Ricky to sleep etc etc. I didn't speak, for fear of saying the wrong things even though I was pretty upset with what I was hearing. But once she got everything out of her system, we started discussing the rather ridiculous but curious tale of the oracular octopus of Oberhausen. And that's when I knew she was all right already.

She had just visited the doctor for her regular check-up today and I had only just found out. From her point of view, I can see why she thinks we care more about Ricky than her. We came home, got all concerned about Ricky and did not once ask about her day. So I made a deliberate effort of asking about her check-up and getting her to talk to me about it. I guessed that helped to soothe her further...

Sometimes we take it for granted that our parents will always be the one caring for and taking care of us. Sometimes we forget that they are just like us - they get tired, grumpy, emotional and seek care and affection; and need a listening ear, too. Sometimes we just need to have a role reversal and take care of them, too.


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